Musings of a "Mormon" Mom

As of late, I've found myself vacillating between horror, protectiveness and searching the scriptures and http://www.lds.com/ frantically for answers on how to Mother Teenage members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, otherwise known as Mormon.


First off, lets get one things straight. The older I get, the more I dislike being referred to as "Mormon". Mormon is the guy that our famous (or infamous, depends on who you're talking to) book of scripture is named after. The name of the church is "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". I think I prefer to be called "LDS". Back in the early days of the church, "Mormon" was meant as an insult, something to be slung at members of our beleaguered church as an insult. There are many people who have definite opinions on this topic, and you're all entitled to them, but that's my take on it.


And Secondly, I guess I need to explain that all topics discussed here are up to your own personal interpretation, but in the end, they are my opinions, thoughts and feelings. Therefore, they cannot necessarily match everybody else's. So I hope you take my posts as just that--my musings on life.

Our family is a special needs family. We all have mental and physical limitations that will be very likely discussed here. Much prayer, evaluation, consultation with doctors and personal revelation has gone into the diagnoses of my family. I hope and pray that everybody who reads about them can allow me the right to them and play nice. There are many people out there, with many beliefs, opinions, theologies and life experiences. These are mine and mine alone. I'd loan you my moccasins, as the old saying goes, to walk a mile in them, but I feel they'd likely pinch your feet and you'd give them back, so sit back and enjoy the ride or don't read. I've been musing on our church beliefs on dating, morals, youth standards and the such...and comparing them to what I grew up with. In the process of my musings, I will likely use parallels to my youth life and "worry out loud" about my kids. On that, I should give a background, I suppose.


I am married for almost 19 years now to my best friend. It hasn't always been a fun ride. It's been rather like a roller coaster at times, but we love each other and so far, haven't lost track of the fact that we started out as best friends. At the end, when the roller coaster glides to a stop, I plan to still be holding his hand and very probably wanting to "go again". To those younger folks out there, friendship is what a marriage can become after life, poor health and stress attack your physical body. Passion is great and it still exists in our lives. We just aren't as wrapped up in it as we once were. I figure we've got time on our side. I plan on loving him forever anyway. We have three children. They are all teenagers and special needs--with all that implies.

Michael is 18 and suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar 2 and a Math Learning Disability (LD). He is a fifth year student at Higley High School -- this means that he is on his second try at being a senior and graduating. He has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and the plan is to get him graduated this May (2010) and get him into an Automotive school, perhaps East Valley Institute of Technology (EVIT) through Voc Rehab. He's currently failing Math and an elective computer class. Passing the Algebra 3/4 class is an absolute requirement. He is also having issues with the opposite sex, trying to figure out what the heck kind of head game this one is on and how the heck they all think--his Dad says "Good luck with that, buddy!" He's managing, if struggling a bit, to keep his eye on the ultimate goal: an occupation to live on, a righteous but understanding worthy LDS woman to marry in the Gilbert Temple (YAY), and a family of his own someday. Right now, we're just working on getting him out of high school in on worthy piece, and pointed in the right direction.

Our second child is our only girl and our Princess. She is also the one with the most serious special need. The purple ribbon on my Facebook is for her. If you notice a lot of purple in my wardrobe, it's for her. At age 11 she was diagnosed with Generalized Seizure Disorder, sometimes referred to as Epilepsy--although I'm not sure that's diagnostically correct. She started off with a bang, as only our girl can do--with a Grand Mal, surprise in the middle of the night. I thought it was a nightmare...and boy was I right. Any parent can relate to the feeling you have when your child is sick and hurt. But knowing in my heart what it was, as I watched her seize, that this isn't going away and that her life just got really difficult...how unfair it is to such a good kid...does not even begin to describe it. For every Grand Mal, I have been first responder. Scott wakes up when I holler for him. The first time, he got her to stop seizing by using the Priesthood and commanding it to stop. Sometimes, thereafter, I didn't even wake him up. I just time them, and monitor her in case she needs an ambulance and the ER--luckily, blessedly, she never has. She also has Complex Partials (space out, near pass out with hallucinations) and Petite Mals (absence or space outs where she just freezes up). On top of the Epilepsy, she has other issues, which seem minor in comparison.

Amanda was diagnosed at a very young and controversial age with moderate to severe ADHD, severe ADHD and severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Those who know her well, know that she has learned, for the most part, to use her "powers for good". She's a good kid. She has her Young Women's Medallion, and those of you sisters who have earned it or have daughters who have--you know it's not all that easy. She also has had a hard time with getting attention from guys, probably because she does have morals and goals in her life. She is always a good helper at home and works really hard to get grades. Sometimes, it's really hard to watch as other girls "get the guys" while she sits home.

I've watched her get shot down after crush after crush. I realize you can't always "get the guy" but I sure would love to see her get her first date...go to a special dance. But it seems that she's never the right one for anybody to ask. I wonder why that is? She sure does fit the definition of what I thought the boys will likely want when they get home from their missions and want to go get married in the temple. She can cook, is a great little cleaner (OCD). She's funny, strong--emotionally, physically and spiritually--loves kids, is a great babysitter and very service oriented. She is a tall girl, but not fat. She is blond with blue eyes and a cute perky nose. But I guess nobody is truly interested. It makes me ache for her self-esteem. I doubt I'll have that problem with my youngest, though.

Jerald--actually his first name is Adam--is still small for his age, but has lots of dark hair and these unusual khaki green eyes. He's a little clown and keeps me laughing when I often would rather cry. He's very affectionate and funny. He gets good grades and has a very tender side towards us all. I'm sure the girls will flock to him. Despite his GAD, I think he'll do ok.

My kids are all talented with music and have great testimonies. I'm sure they'll all be ok in the end, at least I hope and pray so. It's just so hard to see them out in the world, puzzling over things that of the world as they try to stay worthy. If I could lock them away from it, and solve their problems, I would. But then, I guess that's how Heavenly Father felt sending us down here, right?